My Superman

My Superman. I never knew that there was someone so real out there. Someone that could truly love me unconditionally, transparently, and sincerely.

My journey ...
The past few years have really chipped away from my soul. They were emotionally draining. I was l lied to, physically abused, cheated, called names, and cursed at. I have no one to blame but myself for allowing it. I put up with it for so long. Not because I was in love, but because whoever was in my life at the time was another phase. Another phase of self discovery and growth.

Ex #1 taught me how to be an adult. I was young, I didn't know how to take care of myself. He was always frustrated with me. Everything I ever did was wrong, or simply just not good enough. I spent all of my time trying to be the grown up he wanted me to be, but I was not. I was only 17, it was too early. I was bored. I always felt emptier around him than I did when I was alone. When we were together, most of the time we were surrounded by silence. He wasn't interesting, we had nothing in common, and I had no care in the world for the bland stories he would tell. Sometimes, I'd hide in the closet...or even pretend to be using the bathroom. Just so that I could be by my lonesome. One day I realized that I wasn't in a relationship because I was in love. I was indeed in this relationship because I was lonely. Once I began being by myself, I learned it wasn't that lonely afterall. I would definitely appreciate being without him. In the end, I learned how to be alone and okay with it.

Ex #2 taught me that you should never do too much for an individual. Because they will suck every last drop of energy and joy out of your soul, even when you're gone. They will take it and leave you completely dry and alone. All he ever wanted was to have his cake and eat it too. I was dumb enough to fight it. I thought he would change. But he never did. It's because we are two people that should not have crossed the same path.  He was the loneliest and most broken soul I've ever met. He definitely had his share of heart breaks, but it was not my job to sit around for the consequences. Our relationship lacked the emotional layer. If I had to describe it, I would have to say that it was airy. There was absolutely nothing deep about what we shared. It pretty much ended at loud temper tantrums and when trying to display affection, there was nothing but empty meaningless words. I did a lot for him during the course of the 4 years we were together, but that only crippled him from becoming independent. He was always dependent on others for everything. In result of our roller coaster of ups and downs, I learned how to deal with just about anything and still come out alive.

Ex #3 taught me how to keep my silence. He wasn't a communicator or an emotional person. His gestures were always text book, never anything genuine. He treated me like I was less of a human being than himself, and constantly belittled me. Having coming from the relationships I did, I was equipped with the skill of being alright alone, and being able to deal with just about anything. So I was tested. I was pushed to the absolute furthest a person could be pushed. He was condescending and insecure. I was uncomfortable in the relationship, and unhappy with the person I was altering myself to be for the sake of the relationship. I wasn't able to be myself. That killed me. Overall, I learned how to communicate in a calm manner without ever being explosive. No matter what was being said to me. In this world, everyone is equal-- No one will ever have the power of making me feel any less than I am... Ever again.

Now..

My dearest dearest Phong....
Every day feels like I'm living in a fairy tale. My life is so surreal. Every moment spent together is magical. I feel so special, so adored. I feel like it's just the two of us in this world and no one else matters... When we're apart, I still feel him. There isn't a second in the day that I don't think about him. He's sentimental, loving, gentle and strong, confident but not arrogant, passionate, incredibly sexy, thoughtful, considerate, sincere, sweet, charismatic, well mannered, smart, respectful, honest, a gentleman, ambitious, determined, hilarious, witty, creative, ok... Every piece of amazing you can possibly imagine. His personality is so versitile. He can be goofy and cute one minute, and be serious and passionate the next. Every morning I wake up next to him, I think to myself.. That I'm the luckiest girl in this world. To spend every single day with this perfect man. I finally found someone I can depend on, that can depend on me in return. There's a balance, we know how to appreciate each other. I don't have to ever hold back or hide my feelings. I'm so grateful for everything he does and the way he makes me feel. I love his graceful heart and his beautiful soul, that shines through his eyes and into the world. The best I ever had.

My love, my life, my everything.....my once in a lifetime, I love you with all of my heart and and soul; with everything that I am and what I've yet to become.

I love you.